you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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