Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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