I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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