Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
