FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
