Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
