I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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