If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
