You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I did not marry a roomba.
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