Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if only i could text you this smell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
