I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
