i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
