So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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