He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
