You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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