Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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