i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
