Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
