I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
