my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
