He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
