just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
