I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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