just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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