okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
