He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
