I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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