making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
