think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
