I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I AM VODKA MAN
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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