Can i not drive my cunt home
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
