I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
