You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
