i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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