So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
