Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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