You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
