Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
