my phone needs a breathalizer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
