both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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