she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
