i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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