we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
