How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had to cum in my sink.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
