cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
