We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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