I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
