I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
