it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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