So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
